There is a strange feeling going through my head at this point of time. It’s been a while since I felt this way. And I love the feeling. Life has come a full circle and I just had to make its presence felt. The wave is just subsiding and the storm is overpowering. Over the years, I have spent time with a number of people, family and friends. And the learning that has transpired makes me the person I am right now. Physical, emotional and mental strength comes from strange sources that you never knew existed. They have been right in front of my eyes and all I had to do was to open my eyes a little wider and I see a world, a world full of wonderful things, amazing people and happiness.
The way I lead my life has always been in tune with my spiritual seeking. I seek truth, I seek life and I seek joy, and I don’t think am the only one who does that. I have been blessed with a family and an upbringing that has helped me understand the joy that this life and birth has to offer. It beats me that when my head is so clear at this juncture, there is still something that is missing. I know that I don’t have everything and I don’t want to have everything. What I have with me right now is something that I would cherish for eternity. This is unbelievable and I just don’t have enough words to describe the feeling. A family that has given me all the freedom, a proper education and the thought that I can lead my life the way I want to and how ever I want to. Guess it’s this freedom that has brought in a lot of self control in me that I just don’t want to misuse and let the people dear and close to me, down.
After packing my bags and letting my thoughts take me places, I am in a position to say that things are falling into place. On one of my late night conversations with my cousin, I was discussing about how our lives have changed but still remain the same. The time where a single earning member in the family was raising three kids. Three different kids, each with a different point of view about life and with different priorities, co existing under one roof. A woman with the strength and heart of a lion to hold all the four and still give us everything, when we didn’t have everything. But not once did she make us realize that we didn’t have everything. We didn’t have to.
It brings a shiver in my body to think about all those times now. I close my eyes now and here are the things I see…. Mom running around the house, dad coming home late from work, elder brother not home yet, younger one painting something on his art note, me sitting in front of the television set watching a repeat telecast of India’s tour to west Indies from 1990, people coming in and out of our house, endless coffee making sessions for mom, letter from brother, friends, smiles, hospitals, my dog, war with the younger one, relatives, religion, all these and more come in my mind as flashes. It takes a lot of strength for someone to have been in the hospital so many times in their lives, either for their health condition or to just be there and take care of the others in the hospital. To have gone up to the doors of heaven and fight with the gatekeeper there for the sake of three little ones and an innocent man in her life. Come back and push herself to the limit to ensure there is never a sad moment in our life. Brings tears in my eyes thinking about all that. How much would she have gone through, how much would she have compromised, how much? She always had just one thing to say, the three sons she had were everything for her and I would believe her without blinking an eyelid. A teacher, a doctor, a mom, a wife, a tutor, a real estate agent, a believer, a lawyer, my mom has been all this and more. She is what I call everything.
A man with a lot of words, tall, fair and warm, that’s how I would express my father. An advocate by profession, a wonderful man in person, he is what every man wants to grow up to become. All my life, not once has he raised his voice or his hand on any of his three kids and his partner in life. He has nice things to talk about and share with everyone, but an angry man when he sits on his car and travels in his city that he calls home. I sometimes pity the ones on the road when he is driving, but he is harmless. A pious man, who is proud of his roots and his religion. A man who has faced many situations to be where he is right now. Loves music and Krishna sweets (too bad he is off the latter). A good father, a family man, a very good lawyer and a great influence to many.
Guru, friend, philosopher, guide, baba that’s how I would explain my brother. Intense, warm, loving and an unbelievable person. So happy to be born in this family with him as my brother. I always seem to be short of words when am trying to talk about baba. He is everything to me, someone who I always look up to and someone who I know would always be there for me. I guess there can be no words to describe baba. You have to sit with him and listen to him talk and the world (and everything beyond) becomes such a wonderland. To his three lovely angels and an extremely warm and caring wife, thank you for everything. (And am coming there this Christmas)
Software engineer, younger sibling, go-getter (come what may), kid. That pretty much sums up the younger one.
I don’t know the feeling in my mind right now is that which is full of warmth and love and I think my family means more to me than anything else in this world. Guess lying down at home without stepping out of the house and resting with a sore back gives you all the time to reflect on the person you are and the wonderful past that one has had.
To everyone who has been a part of my family and who has been a part of my life. This is an ode to each and every single one of you. The good times are on.