The following incident is something that happened on acertain mumbai-hyd train trip to a rather unfortunate soul who happens to be my BESTEST FRIEND NISH.
The whole conversation that am presentin here is from Nishs' perspective...Sorry Nish...But then again, this is just tooooo hilarious..so all u ppl who read this...Cheers for NISH:)
This man in question deserves at least this mail as a tribute tohis never-say-die attitude. What a ROYAL pain in the ass....It's 12.25pm and five minutes before the train leaves the chatrapathi shivaji terminus in mumbai. I'msitting near the window and reading a spidey comic. This very rich looking dude walks in - silkshirt (in this heat!!) and some funny trousers (mayhave been sighted in the latest govinda movie) trolley suitcase in one hand,sophisticated-LG-colour-monitor-camera-incorporated-polyphonic-ringtonephone in the other. He looks around and then shoveshis suitcase underneath the seat.
Then he says "gaadikitne baje nikalthi hai?" to I don't know who becauseI don't answer that question. Then he says, "excuseme" and repeats the same question.
I say "paanchminute mein" and go back to my web slinger.
Then he starts yapping on the phone and the train eventuallymoves out of the station. The TC comes along and thisguy says,"I had RAC tickat butt now it is confarmed and my barth is 61", which pisses me offendlessly because it is MY berth which is 61. But Idecide to let the TC do the talking and he does tell him that he is on 59 and 61 belongs to oneMs.Nisha, at which point I hand over my tkt to the TC.The jerk goes,"Oh I am sorry. Are u also travalling to secunderabaad?" I say yes. Then the TCmoves on. There's nobody other than him and me in thecpt.
The conversations thereafter were something likethis -
J (jerk) : My name is Karthik Parekh and I belong tomumbai but I work in secunderabad. I am a gujarati. Myparents live in mumbai.
Me : ok.
J: Do u belong to secunderabad?
J: Is this ur first time in mumbai?
J: why did u come?
me: on work.
J: So u work in mumbai?
J: So what do you do? You look like a student.
me : I just finished my masters.
J: What is that?
(HORRORS!)me: MSc. It's a degree that one pursues afterbachelors. (dripping sarcasm)
J: So now u are going to wark?
me: No I'm going abroad for further studies.
J: I live alone so I mostly eat pizzas only. I get itfree most time! One time, he came one minute early, soI made him stand near the door and did chit chat andwasted time and then i told he came late! So he had togive discount! hehehehehhehehe!(all this while my eyes are still glued to my comicand am praying he gets the idea and shuts up.....noway....he's relentless. Some time goes by. I finish my comic and am scared to be doing nothing, soI start reading the next book - The curious incidentwith the dog in the night time by Mark Haddon, whichis relatively thicker than spidey and that offers me aLOT of consolation. Some more time goes by. Then....)
J: Yeh AC chaaloo hai kya?
me: patha nahi.
J: (funny laugh) You are a verry set persan no? Boletho, you don't talk and all. You only read your books
J: I like talking (like duh?!?! I didn't notice atall!!) like I'm verry jolly and all. By the way, I'malso 22 like you. (somebody's been looking at the reservation charts...how pathetic can one get....)
me: (no response)
J: And I'm working for insurance company. I live in afour bedroom apartment in west marredpally. Where do ulive?
me: bowenpally. (lie)
J: So you are going abroad. Do u have medicalinsurance? i can help! hehehehe.
me: thanks I already have it.(the train stops - think the station was karjat orsome such name- and this guy says excuse me andrushes out. Comes back with some vada pav...)
J: Yeh aapke liye.
me: (flabbergasted) what?!
J : karjat mein sabse accha vada pav milta hai. Youmust try eh! Maharashtra special!
me: No thank you, I just had lunch.
J : (upset) no no please. I brought ispecially foryou. please eat.
me: No. Please don't force me. I don't accept anythingfrom strangers.
J: But... (then decides otherwise and shuts up. Sulks and goesand sits in the side berth and starts playing loudmusic on his phone. sidey hindi songs. I take advantage of the break and get the pillow and blanketdown and promptly doze off. Wake up at around 4 toappa's call on the mobile. See the jerk sleeping inthe adjacent lower berth. Relief. praying he doesn'twake up but he does. Oh no...)
J: Main so gaya tha.... (sheesh...can anyone get anylamer?!) Ven did u get up?
me : sometime back.At this point new TC walks in for second round ofchecking and I am desperate. I ask him about theavailability of another berth elsewhere.He asks why. Itell him I feel uncomfortable being near theentrance/exit. He checks and says no way sorry.Disappointment writ large on my face, but our villain doesn't get the idea. He's back as soon as TCleaves.
J: why u feel scared to be near the door eh? Don'tworry. Ac three tier is safe only.no response.J: If u don't mind can I have your mobile number?
me: no. It's not my mobile.
J: Do u watch hindi movies?
J: You must see Muddder (that's murder). Verrythriller movie. I vill tell story. In this mallikasherawat's husband is always doing business and not paying attention to her. So she meets her oldboyfriend from college and she has intercourse withhim. And then.. (SHEESH!!!!)
me: Please stop. I don't want to hear anymore. I'mtrying to read here, so if u don't mind PLEASE keepquiet.
J: ok ok. sorry.After that there was silence for quite some time. Thenthe train stops and I hear a knocking on my window.bloke's standing outside asking if I want chai! Some ppl don't give up!I nod no. I was asleep by8pm. Me..... Get off at begumpet station at 6am andthere's excuse me excuse me again...."Do u need alift? You can come with me in auto." Thankfully papahad come and I just mumbled no thanks and ran to thesafety of my dad's shadow. All of you are thereby forewarned - never to travelin the hyd-mumbai, mumbai-hyd circuit alone again There are creatures waiting toprey on your unsuspecting brain and suck the marrowout. are these the aliens the x-files warned us about?I wonder.... And if any of the persons reading thismail are friends with or even KNOW the Karthik Parekh in question, please don't EVER bother visiting my blog again. I don't know you! and if this blog comes intothe hands of the jerk, here's something NISH should'vetold u on the train - YOU SUCK!
And for surviving that Train journey and not losing ur cool and kickin the livin daylites out of him, NISH..I award U the most coveted trophy....A GMAIL INVITE:) U ROCK