November 06, 2007
Reason?
We all need a reason to start over. And most times before we realize, the reason is gone. A reason to share, to care, to love, to change, to leave, to move, to let go, to forgive, to forget. Reasons are everything. Coming to think of it, we reason the very thought of reasoning. I don’t have a concrete reason as to why am writing this piece right now. And am pretty certain you don’t have one either as to why you are reading it. I now need a reason to start over.
A painter and her works
Black lines of magic
Bristles for eye lashes
A little brown diamond sparkling
Light that can blind a thousand stars
House on the house
A gentle rhythm with the pen
A world on her paper
Excitement with every stroke
It’s all surreal
Right in front of my eyes
The best seat in the house
A dream.
October 29, 2007
Tears on a tea cup
Aimless, lost and confused
Hurt, wasted and clueless
Weak, angry and sick
Blood shot eyes and weak knees
Screaming, pain, no mercy
Mayfly, living corpse, fear?
Needles, cut wrist, RED
Breathing, gasping, waiting
Weird, strange language
Slash, bang, boom
Slithering, white line powder,
Brown, Dark, Black
Slain, vain, feel the vein
Clogged artery, screwed ability
Coffee stains and nicotine
Stuffy rooms and noisy phones
Heavy wallet, stench, filth
Group, crowd, lonely
Shivering, laughing, loud
Fake, Fake, Fake
Help them- Please.
August 16, 2007
Vande Mataram
The stone with smooth tipTurquoise blue inchesMathematics across the tableThe gentle scratch of ignoranceFeverishly dipping into an ocean of numbersScribblings on a battered tissue60 it screams big and boldcolored ribbons around the roomAll here as a reminderPride slipping from the sleeveHonour catching the fallOne Voice. One World. One Love....
July 25, 2007
One evening in a coffee shop
Spring she dances upon snow
Silence she wears like mini skirts
Manalo Blahnick’s for magic wands!!
Blistering barnacles her favourite words…
The armadillo does the fiddle
And batman’s there to answer the riddle
Conversations with Moses
With Gucci glances for pauses
Slowly she slithers down the corridor
Glancing through the window at the distant horizon!
Sun’s getting ready to violate the line
That is getting ready with pelvic thrusts.
Prada watches her every move
With the evil eye of Armani watching her drooling following
Is she a walking talking fashion house?
Maybe all she wants is to sit in her doll house!!
With the loo full of channel 5
And the aroma room smelling like a toddler’s burp
She’s flicking her cig. With the hair down with the rain
She can see Marc Jacobs in the window, bobbing to Johny cash on her fingertip.
A sudden rush of blood surging rite through to her brain..
Is it time already? She thinks all but in vain.
Sunlight bursts through the Johny Cash in her ears
And memories gather in a musty corridor of the years
Weird shaped lamp shades dance on her face
As the smoke swirls…
She watches the sunrise
Rhythm can be dangerous, this feeling sets her free
This feeling takes the lead and controls her fears
What’s there being poor with no cash?
As long as there is an endless supply of Johny Cash!!
Rhymes without reason
Bind them like shackles in the hunting season.
Black hounds & Axwell; fruit flies & gold striped ducks
For all that she could imagine, from her ----------------
Why fill the missing blanks. When everything is ready on the plank
Deathly sorrow seems to be the order of the hour,
She suddenly remembered the curd has gone sour.
Summer she dances with the bad milk
Making coffees that are too bitter to look.
Silence she wears like mini skirts
Manalo Blahnick’s for magic wands!!
Blistering barnacles her favourite words…
The armadillo does the fiddle
And batman’s there to answer the riddle
Conversations with Moses
With Gucci glances for pauses
Slowly she slithers down the corridor
Glancing through the window at the distant horizon!
Sun’s getting ready to violate the line
That is getting ready with pelvic thrusts.
Prada watches her every move
With the evil eye of Armani watching her drooling following
Is she a walking talking fashion house?
Maybe all she wants is to sit in her doll house!!
With the loo full of channel 5
And the aroma room smelling like a toddler’s burp
She’s flicking her cig. With the hair down with the rain
She can see Marc Jacobs in the window, bobbing to Johny cash on her fingertip.
A sudden rush of blood surging rite through to her brain..
Is it time already? She thinks all but in vain.
Sunlight bursts through the Johny Cash in her ears
And memories gather in a musty corridor of the years
Weird shaped lamp shades dance on her face
As the smoke swirls…
She watches the sunrise
Rhythm can be dangerous, this feeling sets her free
This feeling takes the lead and controls her fears
What’s there being poor with no cash?
As long as there is an endless supply of Johny Cash!!
Rhymes without reason
Bind them like shackles in the hunting season.
Black hounds & Axwell; fruit flies & gold striped ducks
For all that she could imagine, from her ----------------
Why fill the missing blanks. When everything is ready on the plank
Deathly sorrow seems to be the order of the hour,
She suddenly remembered the curd has gone sour.
Summer she dances with the bad milk
Making coffees that are too bitter to look.
July 16, 2007
An evening....
The Time: 22:45
The Location: STONES – B’lore
The Scene: A single guy sitting alone and observing.
The Weapon: A mug of beer, a pack of smokes, a pen and a scribbling pad.
“Shine on you crazy diamond”, a song I grew up listening to, thanks to an older brother and his collection of audio cassettes. The speakers are blaring and I guess songs like this are composed keeping in mind the growing number of pubs around the world and people who always manage to find each and every one of them and flock into them. Change the bloody CD, a voice screams out. Popcorn flies in the air towards the counter where a short but plump man with an expression that only he can pull off on a Sunday evening stands meekly pouring beer into the empty pitchers and mugs in front of him.
The activity is slow today, not a typical Sunday evening crowd, this I know since am a regular here. The man at the counter waves a gentle hello to me, when I lift my head between my writing. I smile at him and signal for a refill of my beer. He is disappointed today. Disappointed that am sitting there alone and ordering for a mug and not a pitcher. The waiters and the other bartenders decked in a pale red shirt and black trousers seem to walk up and down the entire length and breadth of the pub. They seem pensive; they seem buried in their own world. They are working, occasionally stopping at tables where they see a known face. Am sure they know more about the people than some of the friends who sit in the same table. The favorite drink of one guy, the amount of spice in the egg burji of another, the capacity to drink of one gang and the amount of money another group would tip always. They know everything.
The song changes, “Where were you”… it says. I stare into the plasma screen above my head and smile. Feel like the song is directed rite at me. Where was I? Where am I? I really wonder. The sheer fact of me probably sitting alone in a pub and writing is a sign that I really don’t know where I am. A tap on the shoulder breaks my thought process. A guy in his late 20’s or even early 30’s holding a mug of beer looks at me, curiously. The mug is almost empty and am sure there has been a few down already. He was in this phase that I define as the “pleasantly high” phase. ‘Hey, what are you doing man?’ he enquires. Quietly I look at him, obviously a little upset with the fact that I was disturbed from my writing process. He peeks into my scribble pad and takes another drag from his ciggy. The smoke covers my face. I move away from the smoke blanket and smile at him. Gently closing my book, I tell him am working on a story. With a slight tilt of his head, he starts, ‘Oh, what story? Like a book or something?’ I take a sip from my drink and tell him, ‘No, not really. This is just some random ramblings’. I could see that he was disappointed about something. He turned back to the bar and ordered for another drink. I continued to look around, carefully observing the sights and sounds of the place that night. A group of adolescent kids were all sitting in a semi circle and raising a toast to this one extremely cute girl who was with them. I could see in their eyes and everyone wanted to make a toast and say something special. She was more engrossed with her mobile phone, smiling to herself and messaging someone. A tall and leathery young man walks in through the door and searches frantically for someone. He walks a few steps check the watch and then continues to look further. Is he late? Is he early? Is he alone? Or is he with a group? His expression doesn’t give me much scope on anything. He looks at the corner table right next to mine and smiles. Walking in a brisk pace he approaches my table and gently moves my chair aside to make way to sit with someone who was already there on the table. I turn around to see this person, whose hair was long and curly, covering her face. Her thin fingers pop up from under the table to clear the hair from her face. I could see a faint smile when the hair is cleared. I look at her as she goes around filling the empty beer mugs on the table and then takes a sip of her fresh lime.
I bend down and continue to write, when the guy taps on my shoulder again and says, ‘Nice crowd eh? Happening chicks’, an follows it up with a chuckle. I choose to ignore the sly comment and continue to write. He says, ‘If you are working on a story about this place, then have me as a character in the story. I would really like that’, saying that he goes back to his tall chair. I close my eyes after he leaves, smell of beer, and smoke is everywhere. People are talking real loud to be audible for the others in the same table because of the loud music. Crash!!! A mug falls flat on the ground and breaks. A girl looks embarrassed and the others from her table point fingers at her and are laughing. A cozy couple sitting next to them look and nod their head like they have just witnessed something completely sinful.
The crowd starts leaving the place. The music is switched off now. I look into my watch and realize that it’s a little past 23:30 rite now and they have already closed the bar and the bills are being cleared. The short man at the counter is counting the amount of money they made that evening and entering it in his little black book. I have always wondered about the numbers in that book. Mathematics was never my favorite subject at school, would have sucked at the job if I was there in his place. I get up and pay my bill, the waiter is obviously disappointed. I tip him an amount that is almost close to my bill. I guess I was there not to drink but to probably feel high on a different level….
The Location: STONES – B’lore
The Scene: A single guy sitting alone and observing.
The Weapon: A mug of beer, a pack of smokes, a pen and a scribbling pad.
“Shine on you crazy diamond”, a song I grew up listening to, thanks to an older brother and his collection of audio cassettes. The speakers are blaring and I guess songs like this are composed keeping in mind the growing number of pubs around the world and people who always manage to find each and every one of them and flock into them. Change the bloody CD, a voice screams out. Popcorn flies in the air towards the counter where a short but plump man with an expression that only he can pull off on a Sunday evening stands meekly pouring beer into the empty pitchers and mugs in front of him.
The activity is slow today, not a typical Sunday evening crowd, this I know since am a regular here. The man at the counter waves a gentle hello to me, when I lift my head between my writing. I smile at him and signal for a refill of my beer. He is disappointed today. Disappointed that am sitting there alone and ordering for a mug and not a pitcher. The waiters and the other bartenders decked in a pale red shirt and black trousers seem to walk up and down the entire length and breadth of the pub. They seem pensive; they seem buried in their own world. They are working, occasionally stopping at tables where they see a known face. Am sure they know more about the people than some of the friends who sit in the same table. The favorite drink of one guy, the amount of spice in the egg burji of another, the capacity to drink of one gang and the amount of money another group would tip always. They know everything.
The song changes, “Where were you”… it says. I stare into the plasma screen above my head and smile. Feel like the song is directed rite at me. Where was I? Where am I? I really wonder. The sheer fact of me probably sitting alone in a pub and writing is a sign that I really don’t know where I am. A tap on the shoulder breaks my thought process. A guy in his late 20’s or even early 30’s holding a mug of beer looks at me, curiously. The mug is almost empty and am sure there has been a few down already. He was in this phase that I define as the “pleasantly high” phase. ‘Hey, what are you doing man?’ he enquires. Quietly I look at him, obviously a little upset with the fact that I was disturbed from my writing process. He peeks into my scribble pad and takes another drag from his ciggy. The smoke covers my face. I move away from the smoke blanket and smile at him. Gently closing my book, I tell him am working on a story. With a slight tilt of his head, he starts, ‘Oh, what story? Like a book or something?’ I take a sip from my drink and tell him, ‘No, not really. This is just some random ramblings’. I could see that he was disappointed about something. He turned back to the bar and ordered for another drink. I continued to look around, carefully observing the sights and sounds of the place that night. A group of adolescent kids were all sitting in a semi circle and raising a toast to this one extremely cute girl who was with them. I could see in their eyes and everyone wanted to make a toast and say something special. She was more engrossed with her mobile phone, smiling to herself and messaging someone. A tall and leathery young man walks in through the door and searches frantically for someone. He walks a few steps check the watch and then continues to look further. Is he late? Is he early? Is he alone? Or is he with a group? His expression doesn’t give me much scope on anything. He looks at the corner table right next to mine and smiles. Walking in a brisk pace he approaches my table and gently moves my chair aside to make way to sit with someone who was already there on the table. I turn around to see this person, whose hair was long and curly, covering her face. Her thin fingers pop up from under the table to clear the hair from her face. I could see a faint smile when the hair is cleared. I look at her as she goes around filling the empty beer mugs on the table and then takes a sip of her fresh lime.
I bend down and continue to write, when the guy taps on my shoulder again and says, ‘Nice crowd eh? Happening chicks’, an follows it up with a chuckle. I choose to ignore the sly comment and continue to write. He says, ‘If you are working on a story about this place, then have me as a character in the story. I would really like that’, saying that he goes back to his tall chair. I close my eyes after he leaves, smell of beer, and smoke is everywhere. People are talking real loud to be audible for the others in the same table because of the loud music. Crash!!! A mug falls flat on the ground and breaks. A girl looks embarrassed and the others from her table point fingers at her and are laughing. A cozy couple sitting next to them look and nod their head like they have just witnessed something completely sinful.
The crowd starts leaving the place. The music is switched off now. I look into my watch and realize that it’s a little past 23:30 rite now and they have already closed the bar and the bills are being cleared. The short man at the counter is counting the amount of money they made that evening and entering it in his little black book. I have always wondered about the numbers in that book. Mathematics was never my favorite subject at school, would have sucked at the job if I was there in his place. I get up and pay my bill, the waiter is obviously disappointed. I tip him an amount that is almost close to my bill. I guess I was there not to drink but to probably feel high on a different level….
March 21, 2007
Random Series
She dance upon snow gone lost in her dreams,
Giggles turn to wiggles as she makes angel wings.
Spring she buys a dress full of blooms,
Spring class robust laugh breaks through the chill.
Giggles turn to wiggles as she makes angel wings.
Spring she buys a dress full of blooms,
Spring class robust laugh breaks through the chill.
February 23, 2007
Mind over Matter
A bizarre turn of events
Brings a weeping flower
Yet to bloom, on the verge
The essence seems to have been lost
Amidst the gloomy shadows
A pale, frail being, loses its identity
The voices, reach out, far and wide
The call for help, surpasses the reason
An ability that seems to be submerged
Beneath layers of soliude
Restraining emotions and feelings
Seeking comfort and consolation
The answers aren't easy
The questions don't have a form
The presence overpowers the moment
A movement that is painfully slow
The thrust felt beyond all depths
A lone image stands without a purpose.
February 21, 2007
TAG
Been at home for nearly three weeks now and well have all the time in the world to do stuff like this. You don't have to have time to read all this. But if you do have the time, then what the heck, go on and read what I have here.
Have You Ever:-
First Thing That Comes to Mind:-
Have you ever had:-
Do you:-
Who:-
Do You/Are You:-
Random:-
Name: Arvind Iyer (If you didn’t know that, then what in the world are you doing here?
Nickname(s): Iyer, Iyer Man, Leanie
Nickname(s): Iyer, Iyer Man, Leanie
Single or Taken? Hmmmmm. People often get confused on this one and am confused almost all the time. But well I am SINGLE.
Sex: Male
Sex: Male
Birthday: 8th April
Blood group: A+
Blood group: A+
Sign: Aries
Siblings: Elder brother & Younger brother.
Siblings: Elder brother & Younger brother.
Hair color: Black (and pretty long)
Eye color: Dark Brown
Shoe size: 9 (I think)
What are you wearing right now? T-shirt that says (absolute Bangalore) and Tracks. Where do you live? Bangalore, at the moment. From coimbatore (that’s Home)
What are you wearing right now? T-shirt that says (absolute Bangalore) and Tracks. Where do you live? Bangalore, at the moment. From coimbatore (that’s Home)
Have You Ever:-
given anyone a bath? Yup
bungee jumped? No (almost did once and it started to rain)
broken the law? Yes. A few times.
made yourself throw-up? Hmmmmm (wicked grin)
made yourself throw-up? Hmmmmm (wicked grin)
gone skinny dipping? No (but been with a bunch of people who did)
been in the opposite sex's bathroom? Yes. (The perks that my profession gives me at times)
eaten a dog biscuit? Yea. They taste much better than some of the regular biscuits that we eat.
put your tongue on a frozen pole? Naah. From where I come there is no question of me being close to any of that. (does the road side ice cream that looks like one count?)
broken a bone? Yes. A few times. Am an outdoor person, you see.
played truth or dare? Yes. It was always Dare for me
played truth or dare? Yes. It was always Dare for me
been in a physical fight? Yes. And got badly beaten a few times too and also broken a really hefty man’s nose!!
been in a police car? Yes. Was picked up by the cops when I doing a video shoot without permission.
been on a plane? Yes.
been in a hot tub? Yes
been in a hot tub? Yes
swam in the ocean? Yes.
fallen asleep in college? Oh yea. Who wouldn’t!!!.
cried when someone died? Yes
flashed someone? NO.
lied? Well, we all have to at times. I have too. But not lied that it has hurt someone.
laughed so hard you fell off your chair? Oh yes.
sat by the phone all night waiting for a call? Yes. (those were the days)
saved e-mails? Yes. (a whole lot of them and sent it to a friend on her b’day)
wished you were someone else? No
wished you were a member of the opposite sex? No
been rejected? Hmmmmmm *Scratches Head*
used someone? No. Don’t think I would ever want to do that too.
used someone? No. Don’t think I would ever want to do that too.
been cheated on? YUP
done something you regret? Hmmmm. Maybe a couple of things.
First Thing That Comes to Mind:-
Yellow: The song
Blue: The sea
Happy: My family
Blue: The sea
Happy: My family
Autumn: What’s that?
Cow: HOLY?
Have you ever had:-
chicken pox? Yes
sore throat? Yes
cold? Yea
Stitches? Oh yea. Rite on the jaw. Comes with playing serious cricket I guess.
Stitches? Oh yea. Rite on the jaw. Comes with playing serious cricket I guess.
bloody nose? Yes
sex? Hmmmmm (baseball comes to mind) *evil grin*
sex? Hmmmmm (baseball comes to mind) *evil grin*
Do you:-
believe in love at first sight? Hmmmmm
enjoy parks? Yea, I do. But don’t see many these days. Or see a reason to go to one.
enjoy parks? Yea, I do. But don’t see many these days. Or see a reason to go to one.
like picnics? Yes..
like school? School was always not for me. Don’t like doing something that everyone blindly follows and does.
hate anyone? Yes. A few and I really do. (I know they are not worth it. But yes I DO HATE THEM)
Who:-
is the last person that called you? My mom. Wanted me to come down and take my coffee. (You didn’t mean the phone did you?)
Makes you laugh the most? A few friends (they know who they are)
Makes you laugh the most? A few friends (they know who they are)
can make you feel better no matter what? Am the agony unc. So its my job to make everyone feel better.
was the last person you touched? Been in bed rest for the last three weeks. So nothing to write home about. Bleh.
was the last person you touched? Been in bed rest for the last three weeks. So nothing to write home about. Bleh.
you hugged? Refer previous koshtin.
you yelled at? A client who kept calling me and asking me for his payment.
told you they loved you? Hmmmm. They told me. Why would I tell you?
told you they loved you? Hmmmm. They told me. Why would I tell you?
Do You/Are You:-
like yourself? I think am cool and I love it.
dye your hair? NO
have piercings below the waist? No. (don’t think I would too)
stolen anything over $50? Someone’s heart. That’s worth a lot more. *this is where all the girls who read my blog go, awwwwwwwwww*
like ice cream? At times.
Which is your favourite flavour? Black current.
like cold coffee? NO. Coffee is supposed to be sipped real hot.
like cold coffee? NO. Coffee is supposed to be sipped real hot.
smoke? Yes
have beer? So tempted to say All the time. But yes.
obsessive? Bout wat?
compulsive? Bout wat?
depressed? Never
suicidal? Get out of here!!
Random:-
Prized possession: Maya. My bike. My only possession, literally.
Last thing you said? Talk to you in a bit. I need a smoke.
Last thing you said? Talk to you in a bit. I need a smoke.
What is beside you? An mp3 player churning out loud metallica, my cellphone, a book on physiotherapy, my cd collection, a mug of hot coffee, mint and a pack of cigarettes.
Last thing you ate? A really awesome south indian lunch.
Last thing you ate? A really awesome south indian lunch.
Are you right handed or lefty? Right(ly) handed.
Favourite song: There are quite a lot. All time favorite is Yellow – Cold play.
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: A broken back (as of now)
Time started: When I was really bored.
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: A broken back (as of now)
Time started: When I was really bored.
Time finished: When am even more bored.
February 14, 2007
SNAP
A routine morning
Heavy smog in the air
Maya sailin across the road
Reach the destination
the days line up
running on my mind
The morning elixir on my hand
Call from home
Too engrossed with both
The passage to work
always comes with a Catch
realized what that meant, today.
The shutter is reluctant
Doesnt wanna work i guess
A sudden pull and....
SNAP
If I was a movie...
Id be Split Wide Open
If I was a book....
Id be Catch 24 (am not 22)
If I was a doc...
Id say, Dude, your back is screwed !!!
Heavy smog in the air
Maya sailin across the road
Reach the destination
the days line up
running on my mind
The morning elixir on my hand
Call from home
Too engrossed with both
The passage to work
always comes with a Catch
realized what that meant, today.
The shutter is reluctant
Doesnt wanna work i guess
A sudden pull and....
SNAP
If I was a movie...
Id be Split Wide Open
If I was a book....
Id be Catch 24 (am not 22)
If I was a doc...
Id say, Dude, your back is screwed !!!
February 10, 2007
For my family
There is a strange feeling going through my head at this point of time. It’s been a while since I felt this way. And I love the feeling. Life has come a full circle and I just had to make its presence felt. The wave is just subsiding and the storm is overpowering. Over the years, I have spent time with a number of people, family and friends. And the learning that has transpired makes me the person I am right now. Physical, emotional and mental strength comes from strange sources that you never knew existed. They have been right in front of my eyes and all I had to do was to open my eyes a little wider and I see a world, a world full of wonderful things, amazing people and happiness.
The way I lead my life has always been in tune with my spiritual seeking. I seek truth, I seek life and I seek joy, and I don’t think am the only one who does that. I have been blessed with a family and an upbringing that has helped me understand the joy that this life and birth has to offer. It beats me that when my head is so clear at this juncture, there is still something that is missing. I know that I don’t have everything and I don’t want to have everything. What I have with me right now is something that I would cherish for eternity. This is unbelievable and I just don’t have enough words to describe the feeling. A family that has given me all the freedom, a proper education and the thought that I can lead my life the way I want to and how ever I want to. Guess it’s this freedom that has brought in a lot of self control in me that I just don’t want to misuse and let the people dear and close to me, down.
After packing my bags and letting my thoughts take me places, I am in a position to say that things are falling into place. On one of my late night conversations with my cousin, I was discussing about how our lives have changed but still remain the same. The time where a single earning member in the family was raising three kids. Three different kids, each with a different point of view about life and with different priorities, co existing under one roof. A woman with the strength and heart of a lion to hold all the four and still give us everything, when we didn’t have everything. But not once did she make us realize that we didn’t have everything. We didn’t have to.
It brings a shiver in my body to think about all those times now. I close my eyes now and here are the things I see…. Mom running around the house, dad coming home late from work, elder brother not home yet, younger one painting something on his art note, me sitting in front of the television set watching a repeat telecast of India’s tour to west Indies from 1990, people coming in and out of our house, endless coffee making sessions for mom, letter from brother, friends, smiles, hospitals, my dog, war with the younger one, relatives, religion, all these and more come in my mind as flashes. It takes a lot of strength for someone to have been in the hospital so many times in their lives, either for their health condition or to just be there and take care of the others in the hospital. To have gone up to the doors of heaven and fight with the gatekeeper there for the sake of three little ones and an innocent man in her life. Come back and push herself to the limit to ensure there is never a sad moment in our life. Brings tears in my eyes thinking about all that. How much would she have gone through, how much would she have compromised, how much? She always had just one thing to say, the three sons she had were everything for her and I would believe her without blinking an eyelid. A teacher, a doctor, a mom, a wife, a tutor, a real estate agent, a believer, a lawyer, my mom has been all this and more. She is what I call everything.
A man with a lot of words, tall, fair and warm, that’s how I would express my father. An advocate by profession, a wonderful man in person, he is what every man wants to grow up to become. All my life, not once has he raised his voice or his hand on any of his three kids and his partner in life. He has nice things to talk about and share with everyone, but an angry man when he sits on his car and travels in his city that he calls home. I sometimes pity the ones on the road when he is driving, but he is harmless. A pious man, who is proud of his roots and his religion. A man who has faced many situations to be where he is right now. Loves music and Krishna sweets (too bad he is off the latter). A good father, a family man, a very good lawyer and a great influence to many.
Guru, friend, philosopher, guide, baba that’s how I would explain my brother. Intense, warm, loving and an unbelievable person. So happy to be born in this family with him as my brother. I always seem to be short of words when am trying to talk about baba. He is everything to me, someone who I always look up to and someone who I know would always be there for me. I guess there can be no words to describe baba. You have to sit with him and listen to him talk and the world (and everything beyond) becomes such a wonderland. To his three lovely angels and an extremely warm and caring wife, thank you for everything. (And am coming there this Christmas)
Software engineer, younger sibling, go-getter (come what may), kid. That pretty much sums up the younger one.
I don’t know the feeling in my mind right now is that which is full of warmth and love and I think my family means more to me than anything else in this world. Guess lying down at home without stepping out of the house and resting with a sore back gives you all the time to reflect on the person you are and the wonderful past that one has had.
To everyone who has been a part of my family and who has been a part of my life. This is an ode to each and every single one of you. The good times are on.
The way I lead my life has always been in tune with my spiritual seeking. I seek truth, I seek life and I seek joy, and I don’t think am the only one who does that. I have been blessed with a family and an upbringing that has helped me understand the joy that this life and birth has to offer. It beats me that when my head is so clear at this juncture, there is still something that is missing. I know that I don’t have everything and I don’t want to have everything. What I have with me right now is something that I would cherish for eternity. This is unbelievable and I just don’t have enough words to describe the feeling. A family that has given me all the freedom, a proper education and the thought that I can lead my life the way I want to and how ever I want to. Guess it’s this freedom that has brought in a lot of self control in me that I just don’t want to misuse and let the people dear and close to me, down.
After packing my bags and letting my thoughts take me places, I am in a position to say that things are falling into place. On one of my late night conversations with my cousin, I was discussing about how our lives have changed but still remain the same. The time where a single earning member in the family was raising three kids. Three different kids, each with a different point of view about life and with different priorities, co existing under one roof. A woman with the strength and heart of a lion to hold all the four and still give us everything, when we didn’t have everything. But not once did she make us realize that we didn’t have everything. We didn’t have to.
It brings a shiver in my body to think about all those times now. I close my eyes now and here are the things I see…. Mom running around the house, dad coming home late from work, elder brother not home yet, younger one painting something on his art note, me sitting in front of the television set watching a repeat telecast of India’s tour to west Indies from 1990, people coming in and out of our house, endless coffee making sessions for mom, letter from brother, friends, smiles, hospitals, my dog, war with the younger one, relatives, religion, all these and more come in my mind as flashes. It takes a lot of strength for someone to have been in the hospital so many times in their lives, either for their health condition or to just be there and take care of the others in the hospital. To have gone up to the doors of heaven and fight with the gatekeeper there for the sake of three little ones and an innocent man in her life. Come back and push herself to the limit to ensure there is never a sad moment in our life. Brings tears in my eyes thinking about all that. How much would she have gone through, how much would she have compromised, how much? She always had just one thing to say, the three sons she had were everything for her and I would believe her without blinking an eyelid. A teacher, a doctor, a mom, a wife, a tutor, a real estate agent, a believer, a lawyer, my mom has been all this and more. She is what I call everything.
A man with a lot of words, tall, fair and warm, that’s how I would express my father. An advocate by profession, a wonderful man in person, he is what every man wants to grow up to become. All my life, not once has he raised his voice or his hand on any of his three kids and his partner in life. He has nice things to talk about and share with everyone, but an angry man when he sits on his car and travels in his city that he calls home. I sometimes pity the ones on the road when he is driving, but he is harmless. A pious man, who is proud of his roots and his religion. A man who has faced many situations to be where he is right now. Loves music and Krishna sweets (too bad he is off the latter). A good father, a family man, a very good lawyer and a great influence to many.
Guru, friend, philosopher, guide, baba that’s how I would explain my brother. Intense, warm, loving and an unbelievable person. So happy to be born in this family with him as my brother. I always seem to be short of words when am trying to talk about baba. He is everything to me, someone who I always look up to and someone who I know would always be there for me. I guess there can be no words to describe baba. You have to sit with him and listen to him talk and the world (and everything beyond) becomes such a wonderland. To his three lovely angels and an extremely warm and caring wife, thank you for everything. (And am coming there this Christmas)
Software engineer, younger sibling, go-getter (come what may), kid. That pretty much sums up the younger one.
I don’t know the feeling in my mind right now is that which is full of warmth and love and I think my family means more to me than anything else in this world. Guess lying down at home without stepping out of the house and resting with a sore back gives you all the time to reflect on the person you are and the wonderful past that one has had.
To everyone who has been a part of my family and who has been a part of my life. This is an ode to each and every single one of you. The good times are on.
January 13, 2007
Ehsaas
Sun, music, road, screams, water, chai, smoke, beedis, vitamin tablets, warmth, metal, tamil, milestones, wheels, kannada, thoughts, dreams, expectations, care, engligh, sunsets, kms, maps, pit stops, home, shore, sand, beach, beer, babes, bikinis, towel, tattoos, fenny, food, beads, kurtas, sea food, smiles, friendly couple, photography, wonderland, emotions, love, friends, family, sms, miss you, wish you were here, long walks, truth, destiny, ogling, time, space, world, sleep, soul searching, and all the above over and over and over again!!!
That was Goa during New Years!! It was great, it was fun, charged my batteries and my senses (lost them too). It gives me a rush to sit down and write this post. This was something I should have done ages ago. This was something that I had always wanted to do. Travel and write about the thoughts in my head. I know am not doing justice to my thoughts or my trip, but nonetheless, am doing it and am happy doing it.
My life seems to have seen and experienced too many things in the last two months. Sorting things in my head, trying to search for a bigger truth, trying to understand the concept of my thoughts and actions, trying to seek a path and this journey has made me strong and I feel new and fresh. I have this sudden urge to step out and pass this feeling to everyone. To a few people in particular. I feel that am not the person who I was not so long ago. I have not changed; I am not different or indifferent, just that the transformation seems to have come at a time that was most needed. Guess I needed time on my own, guess I needed some space and a whole new start for bigger and better things to come and explore. The way the concept of life works is so wonderful, magic so to speak. The mystery of each moment as it unfolds, the images that it brings, the blocks that it seem to easily analyze and open, the strength of character that it can bring to a person is all so fascinating. I have always been sort of a thinker, I think for people around me, I think for family, I think for people who I work with, I think for friends who need help, I think for the person in the chai shop, I think for the house owner who wakes me up at 7 in the morning and ask for rent, I think. Strange that I say that now. Because I have always felt that thinking in injurious to health.
Am a dreamer. There are others who have said the same thing, long before I stepped into this world and am sure there will be a lot more people who would say the same thing in years to come. There is no end to the kind of things that your mind can think of or strive to achieve. Even while writing this post, all I feel like doing is have a smile on my face, music in my ears and smoke in my lungs. We are here in this world to play a part, and we are all special and different and as long as we play our parts and improvise along the way, there would be a natural high that we would feel. I want to live life, I want to live for the moment and I want to make an impact in the lives of many. Think am getting there and am sure I will get there.
That was Goa during New Years!! It was great, it was fun, charged my batteries and my senses (lost them too). It gives me a rush to sit down and write this post. This was something I should have done ages ago. This was something that I had always wanted to do. Travel and write about the thoughts in my head. I know am not doing justice to my thoughts or my trip, but nonetheless, am doing it and am happy doing it.
My life seems to have seen and experienced too many things in the last two months. Sorting things in my head, trying to search for a bigger truth, trying to understand the concept of my thoughts and actions, trying to seek a path and this journey has made me strong and I feel new and fresh. I have this sudden urge to step out and pass this feeling to everyone. To a few people in particular. I feel that am not the person who I was not so long ago. I have not changed; I am not different or indifferent, just that the transformation seems to have come at a time that was most needed. Guess I needed time on my own, guess I needed some space and a whole new start for bigger and better things to come and explore. The way the concept of life works is so wonderful, magic so to speak. The mystery of each moment as it unfolds, the images that it brings, the blocks that it seem to easily analyze and open, the strength of character that it can bring to a person is all so fascinating. I have always been sort of a thinker, I think for people around me, I think for family, I think for people who I work with, I think for friends who need help, I think for the person in the chai shop, I think for the house owner who wakes me up at 7 in the morning and ask for rent, I think. Strange that I say that now. Because I have always felt that thinking in injurious to health.
Am a dreamer. There are others who have said the same thing, long before I stepped into this world and am sure there will be a lot more people who would say the same thing in years to come. There is no end to the kind of things that your mind can think of or strive to achieve. Even while writing this post, all I feel like doing is have a smile on my face, music in my ears and smoke in my lungs. We are here in this world to play a part, and we are all special and different and as long as we play our parts and improvise along the way, there would be a natural high that we would feel. I want to live life, I want to live for the moment and I want to make an impact in the lives of many. Think am getting there and am sure I will get there.
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