February 24, 2009

Arseploring beyond and beneath: a bootilicious research on human behavior.

Experts of all disciplines seem at a loss to understand the recent activities of married housewives at yoga classes, usually by individuals who were targets themselves oggling at other members in the class whom they did not know personally nor have any grievance against. The events at South Bangalore are presently of pressing concern to localites, psychologists, and psychiatrists who have been mystified by the apparent surge of blatant oggling attacks by young females who, often, are characterized by those who knew them as unlikely to commit such terrible acts.

At this time, this violent behavior is not sufficiently documented to ascertain whether there is a serious and sad global phenomenon at work. There are indications that similar acts are appearing in other cities besides Bangalore, including Mumbai and Chennai. Still, even if the intensity of these acts of extreme perversion differs with varied conditions, we have yet to clearly understand the individuals who are most driven to do harm to others.

The newspaper descriptions of a 27-year-old housewife from Indiranagar, just after she oggled at 8 people (men and women included), pinched 4 others, and then oggled at herself before breaking into a jig on the terrace of a two-storey building, included the following: “successful employee,” “revered,” “not an outcast,” “won the employee of the month award,” “personable,” “easy to talk to,” “and an exceptionally sweet and soft spoken lady – something must have happened to her.”

Early reports suggested strongly that the oggler/ assaulter was a timid person whose behavior on this occasion was totally out of character and entirely unpredictable. We then learned that she had been rejected from multiple yoga and fitness centers in the previous six months, some in the same area. We know now that she had been in the care of a psychiatrist, had been prescribed psychotropic drugs, may have stopped taking the medications, and removed herself from treatment. We learned that she had been noted as a person who isolated herself and whose vegetable vendor was able to recall incidents in which her behavior was of great concern.

When interviewed after the incident, Muthamma, the vegetable vendor recalls shakingly, "Well, she normally asks for one kilo potatoes and one kilo onions every alternate day. But when I told her that the prices of onions increased, she went started shouting at me and told me that from now on she would never buy onions from me. My husband is a drunkard and I have three kids. What would I do without the money?"

When asked later during one of her therapy sessions, the woman responded saying she had once read a small article on the internet, following which she had changed into this monster. We have managed to track the article: This is an exclusive report, and we can promise you that you won't find it in any other story. We have the best journalists reporting from different parts of the world. This was the dreaded article she read:

Question: How should you react if someone touched your butt?

Answer: It would all depend on the situation. If it was obviously accidental, it is probably best to just let it go.

If it is a situation that is inappropriate, makes you uncomfortable, or the same person keeps 'accidentally' doing it, then you would most likely want to tell the person they are making you uncomfortable and firmly tell them they need to stop. How polite you are about it would vary depending on the situation.

If you are old enough to be thinking about relationships, you enjoyed it, and it was all in good fun, then you may want to ask them if they found something they liked.

When the article was released in the newspaper,spokesperson from Sri Ram Krishna Shiva Samaj, commented that it was not in our culture to be oggling or assaulting at yoga classes. In his words, he believed that Yoga was a method to attain liberation and good health. It was shocking that there exists women or men out there who stoop to such low levels. It's highly immoral. (He continued talking for a really long time, but our staff reporter who was covering this story had to run for cover, since he couldn't keep his hands off her bottom)

Sarah (name changed) is now spending time in the US and is the personal yoga trainer and guru for top hollywood celebrities.

When we tried reaching her, these were her words to us over the telephone: "Stare at a fat (wo)man's ass for long and you would realise it's not bad after all"


Winnie the poohi said...


That was funny !

Sombu said...

awesome work bro. Couldn't remember yesterday because of the rum. So read it again.

arvindiyer said...

TO Winnie the Poohi

I think this represents the current journalistic trend that we seem to be flooded with.. so took a dig at them:) Thank you.

arvindiyer said...

To Sombu

hahahahahaha. Thank you:) Well what do you know.. the old monk still works his magic all the time:)

Nivedita said...

Ah, the wonderful philosophy of a great woman :P
I loved.

arvindiyer said...

To Nivedita

Absolutely. I mean with people like this around, one is never short of inspiration:)

Pixilicious said...

hit 'em right where it hurts most. then spit their blood out. then, drink to yourself.

arvindiyer said...

To Pixilicious

Wow. Why this mood? I thought this post would make ppl smile. Not make their blood boil:)

Renu said...

Arvind Iyer, you seem to be doing too much research , especially to have come up with that last line :)
Now we know, now we know...

arvindiyer said...

To Renu

Well I wouldn't say I do a lot of research, let's just say I have extremely amusing and adorable Inspirations:)