Honesty?????

I have a huge LUMP in my throat...It's killin me..The pain is unbearable, I have been a zombie this past week. Everyday I wake up and I hate to think bout wats goin to happen. I have never been like this and I don't like this feelin ONE BIT!! I could see flashes of my life just teasin me from time to time and givin me the finger. I've met sooo many ppl in my life. Some have changed the way I think, some have changed the way I work and many other changes in me have all been caused by my friends. I love meetin new ppl and I have always done that. But is that a crime? I have been honest with most of them...Welll ALL OF THEM, and is honesty such a Huge Fuckin mistake?
I speak my mind and I don't think before I talk...Err yea, I do have a predominant 'FOOT-IN-MOUTH' disease...but that's how I am...and that's how I have always been. And whethere u like it or not...I cannot change myself for any god damn thing. My mind is full of crazy things at the moment. people have been acting weird...I have been acting weird... Have I been leadin someone on? Have I been led by someone?
I just wanna vanish..I wanna just go away for sometime and not come back...For a looong loooong time..I need clarity...I need time.....and I just need Peace...
*Thanks to a special friend...who offered me some amount of clarity* But am sorry I really bugged u enough for one evenin....
I might be gone for a while...this is not a break from bloggin...this is not a break from things...and I am not runnin away...this is more like just takin some time to look around and tell ppl I have been HONEST- and I will continue bein that way...