Pisces:
You are a strong person with great values and principles. But all that wouldn’t work this month. Your boss will annouce you that your salary is going to be cut in two, and you are going to work 23 hours a day !. Stay inside and keep your doors and windows locked. Begin to hoard canned food and chips supplies. Get ready to stink and don’t forget to have a shower thrice a day.
Aries:
You guys are awesome.You rock and you claim to be BUSY with tons of work all the time. But on the other hand, have all the time in the world and write a stupid, (tryin to be funny-Horrorscope) But wat the heck, You will still have people commentin on your blog and claim to ROLL ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGH THEIR ASSES OFF.
Taurus: Bring the world to its knees and what better way to do it than stand on top of Mt. Everest. You will get your bum pinched 15 times before lunch and twice in the afternoon by a school kid! Chances of an old fart tryin to french you is also possible. Get that pepper spray ready.
Gemini: If you’re planning a holiday, this is the best time. Don’t leave out Fitzwilliam, New Hampshire, as a possible stop-over or final destination. Don’t be surprised if you have company there. You will accidently forget your glasses and mistake and old lady for your mother, she would seem happy anyway when you invite her for dinner.
Cancer: Avoid violent anti-capitalist treatment this week. This is a good time to put down those readings of Marx and Trotsky to use. Cleanse your soul and clean your system. Start cleaning your system by drinkin soo much that u throw up on the table and make a complete ass out of yourself. That way You shall have an ever lasting Impression on your friends errr...Clothes and on them.
Leo: Be wary of any clones that you made of yourself in the last twenty-four hours. It’s just not your week. And it’s going to be a lot HARDER as the week progresses. Use the number "eleven as many times as possible this week. You have a speck of food on your cheek. There you go.
Aquarius: It’s time to confront that crisis that’s been threatening your life for the past month or so. Try a breath mint. 7 is your lucky number and Mentos is your new best friend. With all the medical shops closed for the next three days, there is no way your breath is goin to go unnoticed.
Scorpio: All this while you were following one philosophy in life, ‘Accuracy is an embodiment of technological excellence’. But you realized only now that, you still don’t know what it means. You never take NO for an answer, but what to do, that’s the only answer you’ll get all of this month.
Virgo: Due to planetary conflicts, your sign has been accidentally deleted. Until this situation is remedied by the proper celestial entities, why not forge a new birth certificate under a different sign? Sell your stamp collection and make some money..burp loudly at an office dinner and you never know, you might just get the promotion that u've been waitin for, for the last 13 years.
Capricorn: The stars are not very bright for you at the moment. Use powerful lights at home, maybe that would help you see better.Don't trust anyone, not even yourself.Carry a loaded shotgun on your person.Don't pick up your phone and don't get yourself involved in any chain letter scam.
Libra: Watch out for the number ‘9’ as many times as possible this week. No that’s not your lucky lottery number. That’s how many times you would have to get a surgical needle inserted into your body this week.
Sagittarius: It’s a jungle out there this month and you must have seen a lot of horoscopes already. Well if you have then, look what we have in store for you. You are a Pompous Pain in the wrong places and there is just one thing that has to be done. You have no BRAINS.Stop rite now and comment.
From time to time this shall be a regular feature in my blog. GOD BLESS. And get sloshed.
